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Thursday, 08 October 2009

  • Welcome to My Life

    Do you ever feel like breaking down?
    Do you ever feel out of place?
    Like somehow you just don't belong
    And no one understands you
    Do you ever wanna run away?
    Do you lock yourself in your room?
    With the radio on turned up so loud
    That no one hears you screaming

    No you don't know what it's like
    When nothing feels all right
    You don't know what it's like
    To be like me

    To be hurt
    To feel lost
    To be left out in the dark
    To be kicked when you're down
    To feel like you've been pushed around
    To be on the edge of breaking down
    And no one's there to save you
    No you don't know what it's like
    Welcome to my life

    Do you wanna be somebody else?
    Are you sick of feeling so left out?
    Are you desperate to find something more?
    Before your life is over
    Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
    Are you sick of everyone around?
    With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
    While deep inside you're bleeding

    No you don't know what it's like
    When nothing feels all right
    You don't know what it's like
    To be like me

    To be hurt
    To feel lost
    To be left out in the dark
    To be kicked when you're down
    To feel like you've been pushed around
    To be on the edge of breaking down
    And no one's there to save you
    No you don't know what it's like
    Welcome to my life

    No one ever lied straight to your face
    And no one ever stabbed you in the back
    You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
    Everybody always gave you what you wanted
    You never had to work it was always there
    You don't know what it's like, what it's like

    To be hurt
    To feel lost
    To be left out in the dark
    To be kicked when you're down
    To feel like you've been pushed around
    To be on the edge of breaking down
    And no one's there to save you
    No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

    To be hurt
    To feel lost
    To be left out in the dark
    To be kicked when you're down
    To feel like you've been pushed around
    To be on the edge of breaking down
    And no one's there to save you
    No you don't know what it's like
    Welcome to my life
    Welcome to my life
    Welcome to my life

    Song by Simple plan

Sunday, 04 October 2009

  • Just A Few Random Thoughts...

    So, for this post, I have been waiting for a long time. I have been unsure of what to write of for so long. "Oooo, Maybe I could write of this." My mind would say. But then reality would kisk in..."No, you NEED to write this." So I just kept putting it off, not sure what to say, or even how to start.

    So here I am with my fingers on the keyboard, still unsure what to say, what I think needs to be said, and gotten out of my head.

    I will start with the most recent of events: Today, a good friend and I went to the Nearest Zoo to us, to be a part of a Memory Walk for the Alzherimers foundation. We got there at about 9 a.m. and left at about 1:30 p.m.

    We walked for what seemed like quite a few more hours than it actually was. Carrying babies, cleaning runny noses, chasing 3-year-olds, feeding toddlers, and walking back and forth between the exibits the adults wanted to go see. It sounds awfully tiring, even to type it out and look back on it. It sounds like a very hectic day. But no, it was no different from what we both deal with almost every day. See, He comes from a family of 6 kids, and 13 neices and nephews, and I come from a family of 10 kids, 7 of which are younger than I. We both are very equipt with "parenting" skills, as some would put it.

    Who is this friend, some would ask? Well, no, he is nothing more than one of  my very good guy friends, nothing more, nothing less. He is amazin with kids, and loves them which makes it even better!

     

     

                                                                      ~(*)~

     

    Also recently I have been dealing with some family issues. With my parents, my parents children(yes, that means they are my siblings), my best friend, and my relationship with God.

    I have not wanted to continue with any of them. I, to extent, I still don't. I am so tired of all these different problems that arise from getting close to anyone. Sooner or later, they will do something to let you down, or so you think, and you have to make a decision. Will you let it put you down, or will you forgive them and move on???

    Well, right now, I am asking myself the same question. I am not sure what the answer will be yet, but I hope to know very soon. This has been a very long hawl, and I am ready to have an answer for them, and for me.

     I love my best friend, I love my family. I love God as well. But I am in the middle of what some people would call a mid-life crisis. Yes, I know it is awfully early in my life to have one of these things, but we never know when Mid-life actualy is for us. Who know, mine could have  been ten years ago. I will not know, until I am at heavens gates, awaiting God's judgement.

     

    Well, I would love to write more on this subject, but am not on my own decktop, so I need to let my sis have hers back. I would love to hear any comments on any of these two subjects, when you haved a chance.

    Thanks,                            

    Cait                                                                                                                                                       

     

    P.s. If anyone know anything about Presebyterian Baptism vs. Baptist baptism, I would love to have some insite. I am writting an Essay on the differences. But it is due Tuesday, so if you do, please do not delay. Thanks

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

  • I'm raining on the inside...My heart wells up with tears

    When all goodbyes
    Are said and done,
    And nighttime finds you home,
    Are you all right
    To spend a night
    Of being all alone?

    And do you hide
    Between the lines
    Of conversations past?
    A wall of words,
    A heart unheard,
    That hides behind a mask?

    Im raining on the inside;
    My heart wells up with tears that start to pour.
    Im raining on the inside,
    But then your cries of love break through,
    And I fall in love with you once more.

    When friends who care
    Cant be there
    To ease away my pain,
    And peace of mind,
    Its hard to find,
    Like sunlight in the rain.

    God sees my heart,
    The deepest part,
    Inside this lonely me,
    And reachin in,
    His love begins
    To heal the heart in me.

    I'm raining on the inside;
    Oh, my heart wells up with tears that start to pour.
    Im raining on the inside,
    But then your cries of love break through,
    And I fall in love with you once more.

    Sometimes were raining on the inside,
    And our hearts well up with tears that start to pour.
    But when were raining on the inside,
    Let his cries of love break through,
    Know that he loves you, once more....

    Sometimes Im raining on the inside,
    But then your cries of love break through,
    And I fall in love with you once more.

Monday, 03 August 2009

  • While in Canada, do as the Canadians do...

    I am writting from Toronto, Ontario Canada!!!!

    My church is here for a missions trip. I am part of a 12 person team. Starting Wed. we are doing a VBS... It almost feels unreal that we are doing another one because of tthe one we did in June.

    It han't quite sunk in yet that we are doing another VBS.

    Yesterday we went to the top of the CN tower! I was 1,400 feet off the ground, which is bad for me. I stood on the glass floor that looked right below the tower, and held onto Austin's arm the whole time. I almost threw up, fainted and fell over. I feel like a wussy! Ugh!

    It is an amazing city, though! I love it!

    I am currently watching 5 kids and Barbie's The Princess and  Thr Pauper, cause i stayed back from going street to street.

    Pray for:

    My willingness

    Certian people I don't  get along with.

    My lack of health is ac problem with people that don't understand. They think I am a slacker...

    The trip home.(I get really car sick)

    And that we would have a lot of kids at VBS.

     

    Thanks for reading!

    Cait

     

     

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

  • Last Minute(and not so last minute)Worrying.

    My sad music...I've been listening to this a lot lately...


    Okay, so...I usually don't get nervous at all before any trip I have taken.(which would be very few I might add)

    I get excited, and overwhelmingly hyper, but not nervous.

    The past few days(I don't know what's wrong)I have been getting stomach aches worse than I have ever had. They have a sharp, shooting, stabbing feeling to them. At first I thought it was an allergic reaction, or an overdose of Dramamine(A motion sickness medication). But after last night, and not taking any at all, I am now sure it was not the medication at all. I had the same kind of pain for hours last night, and got a fever at the same time. I was extremely irritable, and not very nice to be around...I know, I know, what else is new, right?

    But this seemed to be worse than the usual monthly irritability. I was getting, not only irritated, but MAD at anyone who did ANY little, insignificant thing to me.

    For instance, my sister is FINALLY coming back from TN. for 3 months, and I can't wait to see her. The bad, and upsetting part is, that my best friend will get to see her before I will, because I will be in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

    I was not upset about it the night before. Well, I was, but not like I was last night. What is wrong with me?!?!?!?

    I finally get to get out of the country and I am nervous?!? This isn't ME!!!! I am the person in my family who can't wait to be on her own in the world. I hate having people to lean on, cause they usually fall, therefor, causing me to fall a further distance, and getting hurt more significantly than I would carrying myself. Of course I fall...and I will still. But, I learned a long time ago that it hurts more to fall from someones else's arms more than your own, because you are expecting them to carry you the whole way.

    It doesn't work out like that! God makes all of us to fall, in one way or another. It just hurts more when we see other people fall, or even feel it ourselves when they fall.

    I want to carry myself. Me and God, together can do it! I don't need anyone else! I want to do it on my own, without any human beings. Because they, like myself, will fall, but I can deal with myself falling. It hurts to see people I love to fall. Especially when most of them don't know how to properly pick themselves back up the way God intended them to.

    Don't get me wrong. I am not saying I pick myself up the right way all the time. Cause I don't! I have fallen many times. But I have learned the hard way, that most other people are dealing with their own life crisis's  to worry about anyone else.

    So, to sum it all up; 1) I did not overdose on meds, I am just scared out of my wits to be driving for 30 hours, worried about egtting car sick, that I am pre-maturly, making myslef car sick with all of life's happenings. 
    2)I want God to carry me because no one else can do it like He can. I will fall, my friends will fall, and my family will fall.
    3) Please pray for me while I am on the trip up to Canada, and while I am there, that I will not get sick, overwhelmed, or worn-out.
    4)Also, pray that I would stop being so immature about things that don't really natter. I will see my sis when I get back. I will see her when I get back. It doesn't matter if he gets to see her first. She was mine first, and will always be mine first! I love them both. Who knows, maybe this is God's way of saying "Hey, Caitlin, back off...they need time to be friends too..."

    Anyway...I leave in about 19 1/2 hours for a VERY looooong drive to a weird country...Pray...Please!

    In Christ
    Cait


    Isaiah 26:3 And Thou shalt keep him in perfect peace,
    whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee.



Music_lover15

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    • Name: Cait
    • Birthday: 12/18/1990
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/16/2006

About Me

  • First, I would like to say that God is my everything, and without Him I would not be here still. I would have given up along time ago. I am striving to know Him better everyday. My interests are Musicals(all types), music, dancing, cooking, helping others, telling others about Christ, encouraging them in their walk with Him, and my friends, I would also not be here if it were not for them, and I praise God for all of them. My two older siblings are my heros, they have helped me through hard times, and encouraged me to keep going when I wanted to just stop. They are two amazing, Godly people! I love you!
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